DAY 1: Sources of Inspiration (Lausanne)
Lavaux Vineyards
With 30 km of terraced vineyards along picturesque Lake Geneva, Lavaux is the largest wine region in Switzerland and easily the prettiest place in the country to sip on a glass of wine, specifically Chasselas, the local white variety. For the ideal experience you won't just be sitting around, pouring one glass after another, but rather you'll be earning each glass by hiking from one vineyard to the next along the famed Swiss Wine Route. Only by following this route can you truly enjoy the fermented fruits of your labor.
Suggested duration: 4-6 hours. Visit www.myswitzerland.com for more information.
Sauvabelin tower
Climbing this 35 meter-high spiral, wooden tower might make you dizzy, especially if you've been drinking wine all morning but all the exhaustion and potential regurgitation is worth it for the excellent views and fresh air, which double as a great hangover relief.
Suggested duration: 30-60 minutes. Visit www.myswitzerland.com for more information.
Collection de L'Art brut
Literally translating to "crude" or "unrefined," all the art featured in this museum was created by social outcasts such as prisoners and psych patients, which cements the correlation between creativity and insanity. Maybe lacking creativity isn't such a bad thing.
Suggested duration: 60-90 minutes. Visit www.artbrut.ch for opening times and more information.
Alternative: The olympic Museum
if you didn't waste half your day getting wasted, you'll have plenty of time to visit this museum and learn about the history of the Olympics and more about random Olympic sports you had no idea existed, like race-walking, a race for people too energetic to walk but too lazy to run, and horse-dancing, which unfortunately doesn't involve an intimate slow dance with a beautiful horse.
Suggested duration: 60-90 minutes. Visit www.olympic.org for opening times and more information.
Rolex learning center
Looking to catch up on some work or reading on vacation? There's no better place than the library building of EPFL, the research institute of Lausanne. If the award-winning building design doesn't inspire some creativity, the high-pressure academic mood that permeates the interior will have you crunching out your long-gestating novel like it's due tomorrow and your future depends on it.
Visit www.rolexlearningcenter.epfl.ch for opening times and more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: lausanne or geneva
DAY 2: Questionable Authenticity (Geneva)
Palais des nations
After the United Nations Headquarters in New York, this is the second largest UN office in the world, where representatives and diplomats from around the world gather to propagate the illusion that there's some order in the world while it slowly, but surely crumbles around them. Nevertheless, some world-saving things happened here; you can learn all about them on a guided tour.
Tour duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.unog.ch for tickets, opening times and more information.
Lake geneva
One of the largest lakes in Europe, Lake Geneva is shared between Switzerland and France and is best explored by submarine but for those of you who don't have your own submersible to explore it, as Jaques Piccard did, you'll have to settle for some good old-fashioned ferry-riding. From the Geneve-Mt-Blanc ferry terminal you can also catch the Jet d'Eau, the towering fountain and long standing Geneva landmark. Don't get too close though, a slight change in wind direction can leave you drenched, unless of course you want to get drenched, in which case you should head over to Bains des Paquis, an artificial beach for swimming and lounging.
Suggested duration: 2-3 hours. Visit www.bains-des-paquis.ch for opening times and more information.
Vielle Ville
There's a lot to see and do in the Old Town of Geneva, starting with Bourg-de-Four, the oldest part of Geneva, former site of a Roman marketplace and cultural center of Geneva, a great spot to grab an overpriced cup of sub-par coffee, while muttering obscenities at the passing hordes of typical tourists. If you can stomach the crowd, you may want to see St. Pierre's Cathedral, former site of an ancient Roman temple, built in the 12th century and famous for its pulpit where John Calvin began to preach about Protestantism in the 16th century. You may learn more about John Calvin and Protestantism at the nearby International Museum of the Reformation, or you can just leave it at that. If you're more inclined toward abject hedonism, you could instead admire the Old Arsenal mosaics depicting Caesar's arrival to Geneva in 58 BC. That guy surely knew how to have a good time.
Suggested duration: 2-3 hours. Visit www.geneva.info for opening times and more information.
Plainpalais
At this flea market, you can find everything that you don't need all in one place, not that this will prevent you from perusing each stall for some hidden Swiss treasure. You'll need sustenance for the search and there's a fresh market here for that very purpose.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.geneva.info for opening times and more information.
Carouge
For a taste of italy, which actually isn't all that far away, but in walking distance of Geneva, head to this Mediterranean village which, with its Bohemian vibes, doubles as the Brooklyn of Geneva, with a variety of hip hole in the wall restaurants and cafes. While it's a bit removed from the standard tourist fare, it's a nice choice if you prefer to end the day on a more authentic note.
Visit www.geneva.info for more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: GENEVA
DAY 3: Technology Out of Control (Geneva Expanded)
Mont saleve
Hate to break it to you Geneva but your so-called home mountain is actually on French terrain. Perhaps it's the views of Geneva that gives Geneva symbolic claim to ownership, but what's a mountain between two friends? It also served shortly as refuge for Frankenstein's monster before he was hunted by rabid villagers, who burned him to death in a wooden windmill - who's the real monster now, Frankenstein's monster or humanity as a whole - questions to ponder on a two hour trek to the peak of this mont.
Average duration: 3 hours. Visit www.geneva.info for more information.
CERN - Large hadron collider
A three hour tour here won't leave you stranded on a remote island but it may leave you stranded in an alternate dimension. The biggest machine in the world, running in a 17 mile circuit, at a depth of near 600 feet underground, the Large Hadron Collider was built to launch sub-atomic particles into one another at almost the speed of light. After confirming the presence of long-theorized Higgs-Boson or "the God particle" in 2012, CERN now plans to prove the Big Bang, which sounds great on paper, except for all the warnings from preeminent scientists such as Stephen Hawking and Neil de Grasse Tyson that the high amount of energy involved could theoretically become unstable and destroy the planet without warning - no big deal! If you are hoping for other scientists to chime in and tell us not to worry, you'll be distressed to learn that other scientists think that the experiment could open a portal to another dimension, which, if you've seen Stranger Things or The Mist, isn't the most comforting thought. To make things sketchier, the Collider was built on the site of a Roman temple believed to been a portal to hell. And CERN is not allaying anyone's fears with their choice of a logo made up of three 6's or by choosing Shiva, goddess of destruction, for their company mascot - questions to ask at the Q&A part of the tour. For now, take comfort in the fact that CERN created the internet - what could possibly go wrong?
Tour duration: 3 hours. Visit www.visit.cern for opening times and more information.