DAY 1: At the Mercy of the Elements (Zeeland)
Spijkenisse Public Library Foundation
Also known as Book Mountain, this transparent pyramid-shaped building contains over 70,000 books, also stacked in a pyramid shape, inside. It’s award-winning design alone is worth visiting, though don’t be surprised if you find yourself wanting to stay and read. While nothing can make reading cool again, with all the natural light and a cool coffee shop this library surely comes close.
Suggested duration: 30-60 minutes. Visit www.mvrdv.nl for opening times and more information.
A Seal
If a rehab facility for seals who have lost their mothers, or become injured doesn’t stir up some emotions, surely a look into the eyes of an injured seal will warm your dead heart. Cue Sarah Mclachlan infomercial. While in reality, these seals probably don’t give much of a damn about you, they’re ridiculously cute so we’ll let it slide. You can see how the seals are cared for and watch them in training for re-entry into the wild - once they’re completely rehabilitated, they are indeed released into the wild. While it would be nice if there were no injured seals, it would also be boring here. Hopefully plenty of seals are maimed before you visit.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.aseal.nl for tickets, opening times and more information.
Plompetoren
All that remains of Koudekerke, a 15th-16th century village, is this lonely tower; the rest was washed away by the rising tide of the Oosterschelde. A 360 degree panorama inside the tower tells the story of the village’s downfall - and no it wasn’t global warming but rather a curse cast upon the village by a merman (cough cough, mer-MAN) after local fishermen ensnared his mermaid wife and paraded her around town (a catch of the day, in more ways than one) causing her to rot, a waste of perfectly good seafood.
Suggested duration: 60 minutes. Visit www.vvvzeeland.nl for opening times and more information.
bonus: watersnoodmuseum
The dikes along the Southwest coast of Amsterdam were built to protect the coastal villages, but proved to be no match for the catastrophic flood of February 1, 1953 (you had one job) resulting in the death of 1,800-plus citizens of Zeeland and surrounding towns. Before you start victim blaming, over 300 people died in nearby England as a result of the same storm as well. Built as a commemoration of the event and a memorial to the lives lost, this somber but uplifting museum might have you… crying a river.
Suggested duration: 60-90 minutes. Visit www.watersnoodmuseum.nl for tickets, opening times and more information.
Eastern Scheldt Storm Surge Barrier
If there’s one thing to learn at Watersnoodmuseum, the previous stop, it’s that the next time a storm comes knocking, they’ll be ready. What looks like something that was designed to keep out hordes of invading orcs or zombies, this is the largest of the 13 thirteen storm-surge barriers in the region, and it makes for a scenic 8-mile drive. Just make it quick in case of zombie uprising.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.vlissingen.com for more information.
middelburg
The capital city of Zeeland and vital trading city of the Dutch East India Company, contributing to its collective wealth, Middleburg makes for a perfect pit stop on your coastal road trip. The Long John Tower (Lange Jan) lives up to its name when you attempt a climb but it’s worth it for the far-reaching views of colorful row-homes, canals and on a clear day, the distant sea. At tower base is the Zeeuws Museum, for all things Zeeland, and a cafe but save some room for lunch at one of the many cafes in the picturesque Gothic quarter. The 15th century Middleburg Town Hall is also worth a visit, as is a canal cruise if you’re not sick and tired of canals.
Suggested duration: 2-3 hours. Visit www.vlissingen.com for more information.
bonus: WINDCHIME, VLISSINGEN
In 1975, Belgian artist Raphael August Opstaele conceived of building a network of wind-chimes stretching along the Atlantic, from West Africa to the North Pole. He couldn’t have fallen further short of his dream building only one such wind chime in the village of Vlissingen, but how many wind chimes have you built? Exactly. The set of 27 bamboo pipes lined vertically on the waterfront make a distinct, if not eerie noise, especially when a storm is brewing which makes every coming storm seem like a pending Apocalypse.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes.
Sluis
Practically bordering on Bruges, Belgium is this “Burgundian,” or eclectic town, mostly rebuilt from the ashes of World War II, yet thankfully preserving it’s long-standing character as a shopping town, having been a popular port in the medieval golden years. The most prominent remnant of its past is the central 14th century clocktower, along with its symbolic keeper, Jantje van Sluis, a mechanical figure that pops out every half hour to make sure the bells ring, since 1424. According to local legend, Spanish forces were set to attack, during the Eighty Years War, at the strike of the bell, but Jantje was too drunk to sound the bell, which led the Spanish to believe that the Dutch were aware of the pending attack; they called off the strike and the town was saved; who ever said drinking on the job was a bad thing. Unfortunately, the town was eventually destroyed during World War II, and there is not much more in terms of history, but fortunately, there’s more time for shopping, especially at the night market in July and August.
Visit www.vvvzeeland.nl for more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: sluis
DAY 2: Parks and Recreation (North Brabant)
national park de biesbosch or national park de loonse en drunense duinen
Wet lands or dry lands? Take your pick. At Biesbosch, you can walk, cycle or sail through a labyrinth of freshwater rivers, popular for sightings of birds and beavers. If you’ve never seen a beaver dam, or a beaver dam under construction, this is as good a spot as any to see beavers in their element. Not sure how it’s possible, but only 18 miles away are the popular sand dunes of Loon and Drunen, where you can also ride and cycle, but you can also ride horseback in place of canoe or see badgers in place of beavers.
Suggested duration: 2-3 hours. Visit www.np-debiesbosch.nl or www.np-deloonseendrunenseduinen.nl for opening times and info.
efteling
What it lacks in cutting edge rides, Efteling rivals, if not surpasses Disney World, in its attention to detail. It all started in 1950 when artist Anton Pieck transformed local forest land into a Fairy Tale Forest, since expanded to include rides and attractions both thrill and chill-inducing, for adults and children alike. But the park itself, inspired by fairy tale and myth, is the central attraction, with its plentiful photo-opportunities. In the Fairy Realm, check out the Fairy Tale Forest, fever dream-inducing Dreamflight, then question reality in the Villa Volta mad house. The Pagode ride in the Travel Realm gives you an excellent view of the park. There’s plenty of thrills in the Adventure Realm, chief among them being the Python Coaster and the Baron 1898. And finally, the Alternative Realm transports you to Arabian nights at Fata Morgana and to the Haunted Castle, inducing goosebumps with its low production value.
Suggested duration: 4-5 hours. Visit www.efteling.com for tickets, opening times and more information.
STAY THE NIGHT IN: 's-Hertogenbosch
DAY 3: Art Imitating Life ('s-Hertogenbosch & Eindhoven)
jheronimus bosch art center
Jheronimus, or Hieronymus, or Jeroen, or whatever you want to call him, lived in Den Bosch from 1450 to 1516, producing many of his signature works herein, and continues to be the town’s most famous resident (not saying much about the town, but this center is the primary reason you’re here). You’ll instantly recognize his signature idyllic style of painting, like the famed Garden of Earthly Delights, which looks like an awesome time until you get to the third triptych. While art purists might be averse to the fact that the paintings herein are recreations, it’s still a unique opportunity to see most of his famous pieces under one roof and learn all about what makes his art so compelling besides rampant nudity and destruction - the 15th century version of the typical Hollywood flick.
Suggested duration: 30 minutes. Visit www.jheronimusbosch-artcenter.nl for opening times and more information.
evoluon
Evocative of a flying saucer, this building was completed in 1966, funded by electronics company Philips, to serve, rather fittingly, as a science museum. After the museum closed in 1989, the structure was repurposed into a conference center but still serves as the symbol of the city - at least until the aliens living inside wake up and fly off along with a group of unsuspecting businessman.
Suggested duration: 10-20 minutes.
silly walks tunnel
A tribute to actor John Cleese and the “Ministry of Silly Walks” sketch in Monty Python’s Flying Circus, this tunnel opened in 2016 and Cleese himself was there on opening day to give his blessing. It’s one of the few places where you can walk silly without the surrounding folks questioning your mental fitness, so get it out of your system then return to your regularly scheduled program.
Suggested duration: 10-20 minutes.
Van Gogh Bicycle Path
Inspired by the art of Vincent van Gogh, this half-mile stretch of the 40-mile Van Gogh bike path, is illuminated by glow in the dark stones that recharge via sunlight, to create a “starry-night” effect, under a hopefully starry night. Conceived by a local artist, Daan Rosengaarde, this illuminated section is part of a larger pathway that connects several sites that were significant to the short time Van Gogh spent living here, namely Opwettense Watermolen and Collse Watermolen, two windmills (not watermelon), depicted in his paintings. He also famously painted The Potato Eaters here, but you can’t visit those potatoes, since they have long since been eaten. The late afternoon into night is obviously the best time to visit and you don’t have to bike to explore the path though it does say ‘bike path” so you’re at the mercy of bikers and their unpredictable temperaments. Though to be fair, it’s not clear if Van Gogh even biked here or biked at all, and given his penchant for absinthe, drinking and biking probably wouldn’t have been a good idea.
Visit www.thisiseindhoven.com for more information.